Restoration of... What Again?

My friend Ben recently suggested I watch a new program on Netflix called "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" in which the great Ellie Kemper plays a member of a kooky, religious, doomsday cult that had been living in an underground bunker, where they were taught that the Earth had been destroyed and they were the last living people on the planet.  After fifteen years, law enforcement breaks in and frees the members, many of whom had been forcibly inducted into the cult as children.  After being featured in national news programs and seeing that the world is still very much in existence, Kimmy decides to stay in New York City and try to make sense of the last decade and a half that she missed.

I have to be honest.  I've only watched one episode.  I do plan on finishing the series.  It's terribly funny, well acted, and well written (the show was co-created by Tina Fey, on whom I've had a serious crush since Kimmy Schmidt went underground), and frankly, I'll watch just about anything with Carol Kane in it.  My only initial complaint of the show is that the cult in question was based in Indiana and those who were rescued were referred to in the press as the "Indiana Mole People."  As a proud Hoosier, I get the impression that the rest of the country regards us as a bunch of backwoods rubes, which frankly agitates the shit out of me.  And then along comes Kimmy Schmidt to reinforce that negative stereotype.  However, in the last few days, I've come to the grievous and lamentable conclusion that the rest of the country may be right about us. 

This week Indiana passed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, or SB101.  In spite of what the bill's sponsors (including Governor Mike Pence) claim, the bill essentially allows for business owners to refuse service to certain customers on the basis that doing so violates their religious principles.  This is a broad overview with potentially broad results and repercussions, but let's just say what it really does.  It allows business owners to discriminate against and refuse service to same-sex couples because they find homosexuality an abomination.  I know, I know... it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.  In moments like these, I really wish Eve's name had actually been Katherine... or, better yet, Kelly.

Needless to say there has been an immediate backlash not just from forward-thinking Hoosiers, but from the rest of the country.  Indiana has become a pariah to out of state companies who at one time considered investing in this state.  GenCon, the largest gaming convention in the country, has threatened to leave Indianapolis.  Marc Benioff, the CEO of the San Francisco based cloud computing company Salesforce--which, last year, purchased the Indy-based email marketing firm ExactTarget--wrote on his personal Twitter account, "Today we are canceling all programs that require our customers/employees to travel to Indiana to face discrimination," adding that he would "dramatically reduce" how much his company would invest in the state of Indiana.

Even the media was offended.  During Friday's broadcast of the CBS Evening News, the person reporting about the passage of the bill was reporting from Chicago.  That's right--CBS News was so offended by the passage of a bill in Indiana that they reported it from Illinois!

Personally, I've been having problems because I've been confusing SB101 with SB150, which is the celebration of South Bend's sesquicentennial.  I also don't like the name "Religious Freedom Restoration Act," just because I don't believe anyone's religious freedom was ever in jeopardy.  So I don't know what else to call it other than "This Fucking Bill."  There are some other even more politically incorrect terms I can use, but they're probably even more offensive than this fucking bill.

Like a lot of people, I'm appalled by this travesty of legislation (hey, there's another good term).  I realize that you have the right in this country to believe whatever you want to believe.  And I'm fine with that.  I'm even willing to engage in a discussion about your beliefs and I will even go so far as to respect them and you and agree to disagree, and all that.  But I draw the line when you publicly discriminate against people and treat them as second class citizens.  This is the twenty-first century, for Christ's sake!  When are we going to realize that just because a person is "different" (and damn I do hate that word), that doesn't mean that they are bad, evil, or unrighteous... or whatever.  People are people and they should be treated as such.  And for those who like to quote scripture and, consequently Fox News (or "Faux News" as I've suddenly found myself calling it--thanks for that, Jake), let me just take this moment to quote some myself: 

"Do not judge lest you be judged.
"For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you."(Matthew 7:1-2, NAS)

So by that logic, I found the bright side of this whole farkakte thing (that's right--I said "farkakte").  There is a very simple solution to this.  Any business owner who opposes SB101 (and I'm sure there are many) can now legally deny service to any state legislator who had anything to do with enacting this law, including Governor Pence, on the grounds that serving them violates their religious beliefs regarding bigotry and intolerance. I realize this sounds somewhat hypocritical, but so does using the names of God and Jesus to justify any type of discrimination. I challenge all Indiana business owners opposed to this bill to deny service based on religous beliefs to those who supported it for the same reasons. Let's see how they like it. If we can all do this, I have a feeling the law will be overturned sooner rather than later.

A Poem by William Allen

Reflections in a Blank Piece of Paper

 

--William Allen, 13 February, 1992

Repeal Daylight Saving Time!

Do you realize that at this time yesterday it was an hour earlier than it is right now?  Does that make any sense to anyone else?  Honestly, that phrase should be nominated for a Hugo Award.  It sounds like something Christopher Nolan would turn into a seriously confusing film.

Last night, before going to bed, I set my clocks ahead one hour like I was supposed to do for Daylight Saving Time, set my alarms properly, and I still woke up twenty minutes late.  And do you know why?  BECAUSE TIME TRAVELING ONE HOUR INTO THE FUTURE IS NOT FRIGGIN' NATURAL!!!!!!!!  If I'm going to travel into the future, I want to travel far enough ahead to see real social and technological advancements.  I want to see a cure for cancer and AIDS, I want to see a universal acceptance of gay rights, and I want to see flying cars.  None of those things are going to develop in one piddly little hour--what's the point?!?  To paraphrase Jimmy Buffett, damn, I do detest losing an hour for no good reason at all.

Growing up in Indiana, we never had Daylight Saving Time until we finally gave in to what I can only assume was peer pressure in 2007.  Frankly, I never understood the point.  There are many arguments for using this absurd concept, most of which appear to be strictly psychological to me.  For example, as a small child, my bedtime was 8pm.  During the summer, I didn't understand why I had to go to bed when the sun was still out.  The solution?  Let me stay up until 9 during the summer.  See?  Simple.  Easy.  We didn't have to change our clocks or anything.

One of my issues with this is the name--"Daylight Saving Time."  This implies that we're saving daylight, which we aren't.  Whoever named this absurd concept (I'm sorry, I know I used that phrase before, but I honestly can't think of anything better to call it) clearly had no knowledge of astronomy or physics--we get just as much daylight as we always have for this particular time of year on this particular part of the planet.  That never changes.

Furthermore, when we're not on Daylight Saving Time, we're on what's called Standard Time.  For it to be standard, shouldn't it have a bigger slice of the pie than anything else?  Has anyone else noticed that we spend less time during the year on Standard Time than we do on Daylight Saving?  That time has gotten even less since President Bush made us start Daylight Saving three weeks earlier during his administration.

I understand that in the fall, I'll get that hour back, but, like most Americans, I'll probably spend it sleeping in.  Of course, the time is supposed to change at 2am.  Sadly, in another hour, it'll be 2am again and you'll just have to set your clock back another hour.  I think Dennis Miller told that joke originally, but I've always liked it.

In the end, all Daylight Saving Time does is screw with our biological clocks.  That alone can't be healthy.  I know I'm not the only person who feels this way.  The only reason we haven't repealed this outdated and bizarre way of thinking is because people fear change.  We need to get past this irrational fear, pick a time, and stop adjusting it.  Spring forward if you must but stay there and don't ever go back.  Or fall back to where we were yesterday, but again, stay there.  I don't care, just pick one!  Either way, let's repeal Daylight Saving Time!

For more on this (presented much more eloquently than I could ever present it), please go to http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/11/daylight-saving-time-americas-greatest-shame/354753/ .